The Joy of Shamelessness

Things I learned in the hospital after my c-sections:

• Catheters aren't all that bad. I wish I could have one at work so I wouldn't have to leave my desk every hour. I wonder who would change my bag???
• I actually can be blasé about a room full of people seeing my bloated naked body. Even that one guy who was taking notes.
• Nurses are REALLY strong! I apologized to mine after they lifted me from the stretcher to the bed. I think that fact may have saved me from litigation for reimbursement of some chiropractor bills.
• Self-administered morphine drips are your friend.
• Hospital food tastes like gourmet cuisine when you haven't eaten anything but ice chips in over 48 hours.
• There's nothing wrong with begging for laxatives.
• More people see (and touch) your boobs over the course of 5 days than they will ever been seen/touched in your life.

Despite the above, the day came when a nurse rolled me to my side and said..."I'm just checking for hemorrhoids...yep, there's one". You've crossed the line, lady. Some things are sacred.