Attention Criminals - You Missed The Boat
This post is for all those non-law-abiding citizens who may have been in the vicinity of my local mall today....you missed your chance to take advantage of one of my frequent mental lapses.
I drove to the mall at lunch time to go to Spencer's (you know, the "gift" store that sells everything from chocolate body paint to fart machines). No, this is not a store I frequent (yeah, sure, B). In fact, in the time that has passed since I last visited, their selection of offensive items has increased by at least 75%. The only reason I went there today is because I needed a gag gift for my monthly game night with some of my friends from church and their mothers (including the pastor's wife). Can I just say that finding something in Spencer's that's appropriate to display in front of the pastor's wife was a daunting task? However, after perusing every shelf (and more than a few blushes later), I managed to find a couple of silly, non-offensive novelties.
I brought them up to the counter and went to retrieve my wallet from my purse (btw, "purse", for me, is a euphemism for "mail-carrier-sized-bag-containing-everything-but-the-kitchen-sink"). Panic sets in. Wallet is missing. Did I leave it on my desk at work or in my raggy old Jeep with the unlockable doors? I told the cashier the situation and she was nice enough to offer to hold the items for me. I ran through the mall, huffing and puffing (have I mentioned that I abhor exercise? Why did I park so far away?)
Even though it would have been safer for my wallet to have been left on my desk, I was hoping I had left it in the Jeep. Yes, with my unsecure car I may as well have left a sign on my wallet that said "Free, take one", but I did NOT feel like driving back to the office and then back to the mall in that horrendous lunchtime office park traffic.
I was in luck. I reached the Jeep and there sat the wallet....on the ground, just outside the driver's side door. Free, take one. So sorry, suckers....you all missed your chance to grab my $13.00 cash, maxed-out credit cards and CVS Bonus Card. You may commence kicking yourselves.
I drove to the mall at lunch time to go to Spencer's (you know, the "gift" store that sells everything from chocolate body paint to fart machines). No, this is not a store I frequent (yeah, sure, B). In fact, in the time that has passed since I last visited, their selection of offensive items has increased by at least 75%. The only reason I went there today is because I needed a gag gift for my monthly game night with some of my friends from church and their mothers (including the pastor's wife). Can I just say that finding something in Spencer's that's appropriate to display in front of the pastor's wife was a daunting task? However, after perusing every shelf (and more than a few blushes later), I managed to find a couple of silly, non-offensive novelties.
I brought them up to the counter and went to retrieve my wallet from my purse (btw, "purse", for me, is a euphemism for "mail-carrier-sized-bag-containing-everything-but-the-kitchen-sink"). Panic sets in. Wallet is missing. Did I leave it on my desk at work or in my raggy old Jeep with the unlockable doors? I told the cashier the situation and she was nice enough to offer to hold the items for me. I ran through the mall, huffing and puffing (have I mentioned that I abhor exercise? Why did I park so far away?)
Even though it would have been safer for my wallet to have been left on my desk, I was hoping I had left it in the Jeep. Yes, with my unsecure car I may as well have left a sign on my wallet that said "Free, take one", but I did NOT feel like driving back to the office and then back to the mall in that horrendous lunchtime office park traffic.
I was in luck. I reached the Jeep and there sat the wallet....on the ground, just outside the driver's side door. Free, take one. So sorry, suckers....you all missed your chance to grab my $13.00 cash, maxed-out credit cards and CVS Bonus Card. You may commence kicking yourselves.
posted by B at 4:12 PM
1 Comments:
You mean I could have gotten a CVS card and I missed it?! Darnit!
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