Narcissism Meets Motherhood?
Ok, I can be selfish. Downright and outright. See my lONeLY Child post for an explanation (NOT an excuse). However, my current position in life now has me questioning what true selfishness is.
As a working mother, I feel guilty quite often (hmm, does that mean I'm not a narcissist?). I think it is unavoidable, considering my personality. It definitely helps that my husband is home with the boys, but I just always feel like I need to do more as a parent. And, thus, my quandary.
Since I've spent my entire life as a selfish person, I have a warped sense of what selfishness means. Let me try to explain. Since I know almost nothing other than selfishness....now, when I'm trying to be as selfless as possible to my boys, I fear I may be going to the other extreme without realizing it (more about extremes in my personality in later posts). Meaning, I'm not allowing any (or much) "me" time because I'm so afraid of spending too much "me" time. And I think it's becoming detrimental to my health.
Along with the time I feel necessary to spend with the boys, I also find myself feeling responsible for making sure my husband has enough time for himself. He goes out every Monday night, which is very therapeutic for him.
So how does one know how much time is enough with your children? When they are young, is there no such thing as "too much time" to be spent with them? How much "me" time is essential to mental health? How do you allow time for yourself without guilt?
The reason for this post? I'm going home to an empty house tonight. My husband is playing softball and then having his Monday "guys night". My inlaws are watching the boys. Could I have worked it out so that I could have picked up the boys and taken them home after work? It would entail a lot of maneuvering, but it could be done. So I feel guilty for not going the extra mile. And it's not just guilt...I miss my boys when I don't see them. In fact, I spent my lunch hour with them (although half of it was driving to and from my inlaws). But still I feel guilty about tonight.
I hope this post made sense. Garbled thoughts of a restless mind.
As a working mother, I feel guilty quite often (hmm, does that mean I'm not a narcissist?). I think it is unavoidable, considering my personality. It definitely helps that my husband is home with the boys, but I just always feel like I need to do more as a parent. And, thus, my quandary.
Since I've spent my entire life as a selfish person, I have a warped sense of what selfishness means. Let me try to explain. Since I know almost nothing other than selfishness....now, when I'm trying to be as selfless as possible to my boys, I fear I may be going to the other extreme without realizing it (more about extremes in my personality in later posts). Meaning, I'm not allowing any (or much) "me" time because I'm so afraid of spending too much "me" time. And I think it's becoming detrimental to my health.
Along with the time I feel necessary to spend with the boys, I also find myself feeling responsible for making sure my husband has enough time for himself. He goes out every Monday night, which is very therapeutic for him.
So how does one know how much time is enough with your children? When they are young, is there no such thing as "too much time" to be spent with them? How much "me" time is essential to mental health? How do you allow time for yourself without guilt?
The reason for this post? I'm going home to an empty house tonight. My husband is playing softball and then having his Monday "guys night". My inlaws are watching the boys. Could I have worked it out so that I could have picked up the boys and taken them home after work? It would entail a lot of maneuvering, but it could be done. So I feel guilty for not going the extra mile. And it's not just guilt...I miss my boys when I don't see them. In fact, I spent my lunch hour with them (although half of it was driving to and from my inlaws). But still I feel guilty about tonight.
I hope this post made sense. Garbled thoughts of a restless mind.
posted by B at 2:06 PM
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