Contrary Mary
There was something odd about my teens-early twenties. I didn't notice it at the time, but in chatting with friends about the debauchery of youth I realized something strange.
Being raised as church-goin' folk (I wouldn't necessarily say "Christian" since my childhood church didn't find it pertinent to teach the Gospel) I developed several different sets of friends over the years: school friends, church friends, neighborhood friends, etc. Some of them overlapped, but most of the time they were separate entities.
To my school friends, I was the naive one who had to be talked into everything (but, no, I wasn't talked into everything - see here). I was the one who had to lie to her parents about where she was. I was frequently the only voice of reason, to whom no one listened. And quite often a party pooper. To the boys I dated, I was a “tease” (but that’s another day's entry).
To my church friends, I was the wild one. Always pushing the limits (not too far, mind you). Enticing others to do likewise, yet maintaining my position as Head Rebel Scum. I even brought one old school friend out to church with me. She had never had a drink in her life. Just a few months later, I was holding back her hair so she could puke out that night's spirits. (No, I'm not proud of this). I was the one who listened to (gasp!) secular music and smoked cigarettes.
Was this an attempt to find balance in my life…or was I always in pursuit of individuality? I really would, someday, like a professional opinion of this apparent duality, because I haven’t the foggiest. Or is it just that I fell naturally somewhere in between, never quite finding a perfect fit?
Being raised as church-goin' folk (I wouldn't necessarily say "Christian" since my childhood church didn't find it pertinent to teach the Gospel) I developed several different sets of friends over the years: school friends, church friends, neighborhood friends, etc. Some of them overlapped, but most of the time they were separate entities.
To my school friends, I was the naive one who had to be talked into everything (but, no, I wasn't talked into everything - see here). I was the one who had to lie to her parents about where she was. I was frequently the only voice of reason, to whom no one listened. And quite often a party pooper. To the boys I dated, I was a “tease” (but that’s another day's entry).
To my church friends, I was the wild one. Always pushing the limits (not too far, mind you). Enticing others to do likewise, yet maintaining my position as Head Rebel Scum. I even brought one old school friend out to church with me. She had never had a drink in her life. Just a few months later, I was holding back her hair so she could puke out that night's spirits. (No, I'm not proud of this). I was the one who listened to (gasp!) secular music and smoked cigarettes.
Was this an attempt to find balance in my life…or was I always in pursuit of individuality? I really would, someday, like a professional opinion of this apparent duality, because I haven’t the foggiest. Or is it just that I fell naturally somewhere in between, never quite finding a perfect fit?
posted by B at 4:32 PM
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